being shaped

Most of the time I live life forgetting that Jesus is risen and alive and with me right now. That he is shaping me into his likeness through the circumstances and people he brings into my life. To be honest, often I am fearful of the future, I worry about the kids, about money, about my parents, about starting over with a child who has attachment disorder. I often talk to God about these things.

Buddy is currently reading and loving a book called, Living the Resurrection, by Eugene Peterson (author of The Message bible). In an effort to be a good wife (haha) I ask Buddy to share some of it with me one evening.  God spoke to me through this book. Peterson is writing about spiritual formation and looks at the resurrection stories in the four gospels. He notes how surprise, fear, awe and wonder are present in all four accounts. He writes that there are five elements of surprise and says,

The men and women who are going to be most valuable to us in spiritual formation-by-resurrection are most likely going to be people at the edge of respectability: the poor, minorities, the suffering, the rejected, poets, and children. 

Another observation is that the resurrection was a quiet business that took place in a quiet place without publicity or spectators.And then last, his fifth observation is fear.

Fear is the most frequently mentioned resurrection response.  We're afraid when we're suddenly caught off our guard and don't know what to do.  We're afraid when our presuppositions and assumptions no longer account for what we're up against, and we don't know what will happen to us.  We're afraid when reality, without warning, is shown to be either more or other than we thought it was.  But that 'more and other' is God. 

He writes, "Fear-of-the-Lord is fear with the scary element deleted. So it is often accompanied with the reassurance: "Fear not." But the "fear not" does not result in the absence of fear but rather the transformation into fear-of-the-Lord. We still don't know what's going on. We're still not in control. We're still in deep, deep mystery."

Wow! This was just what I needed, a reminder to shift my perspective to the truth. That God is the potter and I am the clay and that He is forming me and shaping through the people he brings into my life (however small!) and that I can trust Him. It's ok to have fear. Last week I picked this scripture up from the Y, "Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it." Ezra 10:4. A wise person this week told me that the reason we need courage is because we have fear.

playground shoe lesson

A couple of days ago Bobby and I went a playground close to our house. He LOVES playing "hide and see ya" so we played several games of that. This playground is behind an elementary school and has a huge hill that Bobby loves to roll down. He and Buddy usually take turns doing that! After we had played for 45 minutes or an hour Bobby went up a curly slide and came down with his shoes off. It was a cold and damp day so I told him that if he wanted to stay at the park then he needs to put his shoes back on because it was cold. He went back up and came back down without them. I asked him if he was ready to leave because we would have to leave if he didn't get put them on. He got "the look" on his face which by now I know means "no way am I going to do what you say" and threw his shoes off the top of the slide. So, I picked up the shoes and told him that we had to leave because his shoes were off and I started walking slowly to the car. He followed way behind me.  I watched him and waited at the car and in a few minutes Bobby arrived crying saying his feet were cold (now he was minus the socks also). I asked what had he done with his socks and he said he threw them down by the playground. So I held his hand and we walked all the way back to the socks and he picked them up and we walked all the way back to the car with him crying the whole way because his feet were cold. I explained that his feet were cold because he took his shoes and socks off outside which you can't do in the winter. When he got in the car he immediately said, "I sorry Mama that I not obey you"! We hugged and I thanked him for saying that and told him that everyone makes mistakes and that he is a good boy and we left for home in good spirits.

I've learned from some things I've read that children who come from hard places (like orphanages) didn't learn cause and effect regarding their actions. Opportunities to teach them occur multiple times a day in our home! Maybe Bobby will remember now that taking your shoes and socks off outside results in very cold feet which is not pleasant...we'll see!

A few shots from December

My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on December 18! We ate out then went to my sister's home for cake. We treated my parents to a night at the Opryland Hotel and the Rockettes show. Pictures to follow.

The same weekend we went to a family get-together in Cullman, Alabama. Lots of kids of my cousins were there, even kids of my cousin's kids! It was the first time some of my uncles and cousins had seen Bobby. He joined right in, even fussing with my cousin's first grader who loves drama just like Bobby. They ended up being fast friends, of course!

Here are pictures from the Rockettes. Our family also got tickets for the same night as my parents. Lia Pendleton (Austin's girlfriend) and her family also had tickets and Spencer had tickets for her and Ben from a secret santa thing at her work.  Lia's sister, Margaret Ann is also in this picture.

This is the Cascades lobby where Mom and Dad stayed. We had to see their room. They wouldn't agree to switch with us and stay at our house for the night. Darn!

View from their balconey

Christmas morning!! Santa brought Woody and Buzz just like Bobby asked. He went over to the chimney and yelled up, "thank you, Santa"!

We woke up to a white Christmas! Thank you, God for this gift!

Cleo's doghouse always looks good in the snow. For some reason she won't sleep in it this year. We put a pad on the front porch during the summer and I think she has forgotten about her house. Who knows what's living in it now.

The snow was also in Decatur, Alabama. This was their first white Christmas since 1963! This is my parent's home.

The guys got out and had a rip-roaring snowball fight. It ended for Bobby when he came in after a snowball to the face.

We get to Montgomery to visit the Hannah's! All four of Buddy's brothers are there. Can you guess what they all got for Christmas?

 After lunch all the brothers and their Dad plus Bobby went to the flying field where Gene has flown remote control airplanes for 30 plus years. He was recently honored and surprised when this sign was unveiled at a fly-in.

Back row: Buddy, Charles, Bill, Scott
Front row: Wells, Wilson, Walker, Austin and Grayson

                                                 The cousins enjoying the new fire pit.

On our way back to Nashville we stopped off in Decatur. The snowman is still (kind of) standing but not much else of the snow is left. Bobby is filling up his water bottle.

daily life right now

We have now been home seven months. Bobby is a blessing and we are so thankful for him but it has been a hard adjustment in many, many ways. Our whole family has been stretched to the breaking point at times. Dealing with Bobby has been much harder that I thought it would be most of the time. I see a wonderful adoption counselor and have learned tons. I didn't realize that kids who have been raised in an orphanage all have attachment disorder. I knew how Bobby acted, and thought it was just his personality, his adjustment to everything foreign, mine or Buddy's parenting, the list went on and on. However, I am relieved to learn that his behaviors are common to all children with attachment disorder. The things that have been the source of so much stress in our family, like his anger and yelling when told no or his "all out" fit pitching when he has to transition from one activity to another have a reason! I'm learning how to respond to build connection between us since that is what Bobby needs more that anything. Even though he doesn't understand that himself. He still doesn't play independently very often. Marianne (the counselor) said this is because he did not go through all the phases of development as an infant and toddler where he would have naturally learned independent play. She said in many ways I should think of him as a seven month old and that I wouldn't expect my seven month old to play independently. She told me that I need to give him a year of concentrated attachment building and to be patient and that it will get better. So, I have the task of educating my older children also. Since Bobby will take any attention they give him, he usually goes about getting it by being as annoying as possible to them. They get mad and push him away or leave which only makes things worse. Now, when he runs by and grabs something they have or jerks the Xbox wire out of the TV when Grayson is playing, they are to say, "Bobby, you can't do that, if you want me to play with you, then ask me and I will play with you later", then they have to give him a little bit of time when they get a chance. It works!! He responds so well to this. There is sooo much more I could share but just let me say, if you have adopted, please read The Connected Child by Karen Purvis. It has been my guidebook!

2010 reflection

As this year comes to a close I think back on the many, many changes our family has experienced. This time last year we had skyped with Bobby once (Christmas Day) and were filled with nervous anticipation as we waited for news of our court date so that we could travel to Uganda and meet Bobby in person.

We finally got that news and left March 31, we arrived in Uganda April 1 and after a five hour delay in getting to the orphanage we were able to hold and hug our little boy!!

We were in Uganda eight weeks while we waited on the paperwork process to continue so that we could get Bobby's visa to travel to the US. Africa was amazing. I can't even begin to describe the colors, smells, textures and beauty that are Uganda. Lush green tropical forests, trees brimming with avocados, mangos, jackfruit, bananas, matake (green banana that tastes like a potato), watermelon. The beautiful Lake Victoria which is the source of the Nile River and the source of much delicious Tilapia which made its way to our plates. The Ugandan people are very handsome and we met many very nice and friendly folks. Still, we missed our kids at home very much and often both Buddy and I were frustrated and discouraged at the slow pace of things. Just before we left to go to Uganda, that government and the United States government had run into some trouble with adoptions which had halted all adoption movement. We didn't know if we would be there 6 weeks or 6 months, and I'm not exaggerating. After one horribly frustrating few days with one Ugandan government office Buddy and I were at the end of our rope. I prayed, "God, I don't even know if this adoption is really what you want us to do, I'm so discouraged and want to be home for Austin's graduation in two weeks but it doesn't look possible. Please just somehow let me know that we are doing what you want us to do". The next day we got a phone call from a Ugandan friend of my aunt in Birmingham, Alabama. Her brother is a high court judge in Uganda and gave us a name to get in touch with at the passport office. Within a week we were flying home, visa in hand! God had heard my cry to Him and moved mountains when we had exhausted all our efforts. We were bumped from number 12 of 24 on the visa waiting list to number one! We were the first family in 2010 to received a visa for adoption!!!!!!

Lesson Learned

Last night we attended the Belmont women's basketball game with Buddy. Bobby entered the arena asking for something to eat so as soon as we sat down I got back up and purchased popcorn and a coke for him. He devoured the popcorn in the first half and then it was time for heavy horderves in the reception area. We ate those and brought a few snacks back to our seat. Bobby and I only stayed for the first game and on the way home he said he was hungry!! We got home and I warmed up an egg I had boiled earlier...in the microwave. I gave it to him and turned around and heard a loud "POP"! Turning back around, I saw Bobby COVERED in tiny bits of egg and crying! He said, "that egg just popped open!, I NEVER going to eat an egg again!" It was sad in a hilarious kind of way and I was the only one home to witness it! Moral of the story is: if you warm up a boiled egg, make sure you cut it in two first. Since boiled eggs are the only breakfast Bobby likes, I doubt if his resolve will last! BTW - Grayson (17 y.o.)can hardly wait till Austin gets home for Christmas break to pull this trick on him. I'll let you know.

Our Grinch inspired tree

With six people (five of them adult size) and a car loaded down with luggage, etc, we stopped on the way home from Thanksgiving and bought two Christmas trees at Lowe's. This was the only time everyone was available and all wanted to participate in the choosing of the trees. We put them up and decorated them the next day and Bobby loves them as well as the other decorations around the house.