being shaped

Most of the time I live life forgetting that Jesus is risen and alive and with me right now. That he is shaping me into his likeness through the circumstances and people he brings into my life. To be honest, often I am fearful of the future, I worry about the kids, about money, about my parents, about starting over with a child who has attachment disorder. I often talk to God about these things.

Buddy is currently reading and loving a book called, Living the Resurrection, by Eugene Peterson (author of The Message bible). In an effort to be a good wife (haha) I ask Buddy to share some of it with me one evening.  God spoke to me through this book. Peterson is writing about spiritual formation and looks at the resurrection stories in the four gospels. He notes how surprise, fear, awe and wonder are present in all four accounts. He writes that there are five elements of surprise and says,

The men and women who are going to be most valuable to us in spiritual formation-by-resurrection are most likely going to be people at the edge of respectability: the poor, minorities, the suffering, the rejected, poets, and children. 

Another observation is that the resurrection was a quiet business that took place in a quiet place without publicity or spectators.And then last, his fifth observation is fear.

Fear is the most frequently mentioned resurrection response.  We're afraid when we're suddenly caught off our guard and don't know what to do.  We're afraid when our presuppositions and assumptions no longer account for what we're up against, and we don't know what will happen to us.  We're afraid when reality, without warning, is shown to be either more or other than we thought it was.  But that 'more and other' is God. 

He writes, "Fear-of-the-Lord is fear with the scary element deleted. So it is often accompanied with the reassurance: "Fear not." But the "fear not" does not result in the absence of fear but rather the transformation into fear-of-the-Lord. We still don't know what's going on. We're still not in control. We're still in deep, deep mystery."

Wow! This was just what I needed, a reminder to shift my perspective to the truth. That God is the potter and I am the clay and that He is forming me and shaping through the people he brings into my life (however small!) and that I can trust Him. It's ok to have fear. Last week I picked this scripture up from the Y, "Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it." Ezra 10:4. A wise person this week told me that the reason we need courage is because we have fear.