homeschool...

This was week four of homeschooling Bobby. The first almost three weeks were going so well. I was excited and Bobby loved being at home and was eager to do school each day. Last Friday, however, he never settled down enough to do anything. I finally gave up and we went to tour a church pre-K close to our house!! That program was full. Monday we visited a home school enrichment tutorial then started back on home school on Tuesday. Again, Bobby was dysregulated and at one point I just went in my closet, shut the door and got on my knees and prayed for Jesus to PLEASE make the fruit of his Spirit flow out from me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. It didn't take too long for Bobby to find me and immediately flip the light switch off so I got up and when I looked around he was in the closet on his knees! That day he told me probably 15 to 20 times that he hated me. Eventually he did the work he needed to do and by the afternoon was in better control of himself. Wednesday - bible study then Thursday back to homeschool. R.O.U.G.H! His defiance was off the charts. Overcome with the emotional strain of it all I found myself in tears at one point. Lots of thoughts running through my head, such as, “why did I think this was a good idea…I’m going to call the local public school and register him tomorrow…I can’t do this…what am I going to do…where can I put him in school”. I should also say that I thought we had this figured out. We went through the whole admissions process and put him in a one-day-a-week tutorial. Because of the way the school was set up (three teachers rotating through the day) and because of Bobby’s difficulty with transitions, it was not a good fit and we decided to take him out. On Wednesday, in the middle of all this, at bible study I ran into a friend who is also homeschooling and she said they LOVE the tutorial where they have their two kids. I have to admit I was happy for them but sad for us. That afternoon I contacted that school only to find out it is too late, the school was full.

So…yesterday (Thursday) afternoon I get an email from the Pre-K I had visited last Friday and they have an opening for a two day Pre-K which is what I wanted. Oddly enough, I don’t feel as excited as I thought I would. Buddy and I talk it over but it’s a hard decision because on one hand I think, if I’m doing this to help Bobby heal, then a sign that he is healing is all this emotional junk coming out the closer he and I get. Every day I learn more about him and how to understand his pain and I don’t want to jeopardize that. I decide to just pray and think it over and I tell my sister to do the same for me.

Well… today I get an email from the school where my friend has her kids. The board just convened and decided today that they will let two more children in the kindergarten class and that if I want Bobby in, I should fill out the paperwork and get started with the process.   

Wow. So now what? Is God giving me this abundance of choices as a gift to take or is He giving me this so that I can solidify my decision to be with Bobby every day? Right now I am pulled both ways.

Today was a great day with Bobby. He was up at 7:00 (early for him) regulated and calm. He stayed that way most of the day, only pitching small fits a couple of times. We bought a toy, drove through Krystal and went to a park for a picnic. He let a group of seven little boys take many turns playing with the toy he had just bought! I couldn’t believe it. Thank you, Jesus.

I am committed to this kid whole-heartedly, I’m getting in the trenches with him in spite of and because of the pain that is in him and the healing that has to happen through my relationship with him. Because the fact is that the only way a child can heal is through the parent-child relationship. I don’t take my responsibility lightly. I know from experience how fast the years fly by and the pain that is inside will not go away, it must be dealt with, the earlier the better otherwise we WILL see it again.  There are no guarantees, I know, but God has given me a deep and protective love for this scared, hurt little boy and I know what I must do in the present moment.