daily life right now

We have now been home seven months. Bobby is a blessing and we are so thankful for him but it has been a hard adjustment in many, many ways. Our whole family has been stretched to the breaking point at times. Dealing with Bobby has been much harder that I thought it would be most of the time. I see a wonderful adoption counselor and have learned tons. I didn't realize that kids who have been raised in an orphanage all have attachment disorder. I knew how Bobby acted, and thought it was just his personality, his adjustment to everything foreign, mine or Buddy's parenting, the list went on and on. However, I am relieved to learn that his behaviors are common to all children with attachment disorder. The things that have been the source of so much stress in our family, like his anger and yelling when told no or his "all out" fit pitching when he has to transition from one activity to another have a reason! I'm learning how to respond to build connection between us since that is what Bobby needs more that anything. Even though he doesn't understand that himself. He still doesn't play independently very often. Marianne (the counselor) said this is because he did not go through all the phases of development as an infant and toddler where he would have naturally learned independent play. She said in many ways I should think of him as a seven month old and that I wouldn't expect my seven month old to play independently. She told me that I need to give him a year of concentrated attachment building and to be patient and that it will get better. So, I have the task of educating my older children also. Since Bobby will take any attention they give him, he usually goes about getting it by being as annoying as possible to them. They get mad and push him away or leave which only makes things worse. Now, when he runs by and grabs something they have or jerks the Xbox wire out of the TV when Grayson is playing, they are to say, "Bobby, you can't do that, if you want me to play with you, then ask me and I will play with you later", then they have to give him a little bit of time when they get a chance. It works!! He responds so well to this. There is sooo much more I could share but just let me say, if you have adopted, please read The Connected Child by Karen Purvis. It has been my guidebook!