daily life right now

We have now been home seven months. Bobby is a blessing and we are so thankful for him but it has been a hard adjustment in many, many ways. Our whole family has been stretched to the breaking point at times. Dealing with Bobby has been much harder that I thought it would be most of the time. I see a wonderful adoption counselor and have learned tons. I didn't realize that kids who have been raised in an orphanage all have attachment disorder. I knew how Bobby acted, and thought it was just his personality, his adjustment to everything foreign, mine or Buddy's parenting, the list went on and on. However, I am relieved to learn that his behaviors are common to all children with attachment disorder. The things that have been the source of so much stress in our family, like his anger and yelling when told no or his "all out" fit pitching when he has to transition from one activity to another have a reason! I'm learning how to respond to build connection between us since that is what Bobby needs more that anything. Even though he doesn't understand that himself. He still doesn't play independently very often. Marianne (the counselor) said this is because he did not go through all the phases of development as an infant and toddler where he would have naturally learned independent play. She said in many ways I should think of him as a seven month old and that I wouldn't expect my seven month old to play independently. She told me that I need to give him a year of concentrated attachment building and to be patient and that it will get better. So, I have the task of educating my older children also. Since Bobby will take any attention they give him, he usually goes about getting it by being as annoying as possible to them. They get mad and push him away or leave which only makes things worse. Now, when he runs by and grabs something they have or jerks the Xbox wire out of the TV when Grayson is playing, they are to say, "Bobby, you can't do that, if you want me to play with you, then ask me and I will play with you later", then they have to give him a little bit of time when they get a chance. It works!! He responds so well to this. There is sooo much more I could share but just let me say, if you have adopted, please read The Connected Child by Karen Purvis. It has been my guidebook!

2010 reflection

As this year comes to a close I think back on the many, many changes our family has experienced. This time last year we had skyped with Bobby once (Christmas Day) and were filled with nervous anticipation as we waited for news of our court date so that we could travel to Uganda and meet Bobby in person.

We finally got that news and left March 31, we arrived in Uganda April 1 and after a five hour delay in getting to the orphanage we were able to hold and hug our little boy!!

We were in Uganda eight weeks while we waited on the paperwork process to continue so that we could get Bobby's visa to travel to the US. Africa was amazing. I can't even begin to describe the colors, smells, textures and beauty that are Uganda. Lush green tropical forests, trees brimming with avocados, mangos, jackfruit, bananas, matake (green banana that tastes like a potato), watermelon. The beautiful Lake Victoria which is the source of the Nile River and the source of much delicious Tilapia which made its way to our plates. The Ugandan people are very handsome and we met many very nice and friendly folks. Still, we missed our kids at home very much and often both Buddy and I were frustrated and discouraged at the slow pace of things. Just before we left to go to Uganda, that government and the United States government had run into some trouble with adoptions which had halted all adoption movement. We didn't know if we would be there 6 weeks or 6 months, and I'm not exaggerating. After one horribly frustrating few days with one Ugandan government office Buddy and I were at the end of our rope. I prayed, "God, I don't even know if this adoption is really what you want us to do, I'm so discouraged and want to be home for Austin's graduation in two weeks but it doesn't look possible. Please just somehow let me know that we are doing what you want us to do". The next day we got a phone call from a Ugandan friend of my aunt in Birmingham, Alabama. Her brother is a high court judge in Uganda and gave us a name to get in touch with at the passport office. Within a week we were flying home, visa in hand! God had heard my cry to Him and moved mountains when we had exhausted all our efforts. We were bumped from number 12 of 24 on the visa waiting list to number one! We were the first family in 2010 to received a visa for adoption!!!!!!

Lesson Learned

Last night we attended the Belmont women's basketball game with Buddy. Bobby entered the arena asking for something to eat so as soon as we sat down I got back up and purchased popcorn and a coke for him. He devoured the popcorn in the first half and then it was time for heavy horderves in the reception area. We ate those and brought a few snacks back to our seat. Bobby and I only stayed for the first game and on the way home he said he was hungry!! We got home and I warmed up an egg I had boiled earlier...in the microwave. I gave it to him and turned around and heard a loud "POP"! Turning back around, I saw Bobby COVERED in tiny bits of egg and crying! He said, "that egg just popped open!, I NEVER going to eat an egg again!" It was sad in a hilarious kind of way and I was the only one home to witness it! Moral of the story is: if you warm up a boiled egg, make sure you cut it in two first. Since boiled eggs are the only breakfast Bobby likes, I doubt if his resolve will last! BTW - Grayson (17 y.o.)can hardly wait till Austin gets home for Christmas break to pull this trick on him. I'll let you know.

Our Grinch inspired tree

With six people (five of them adult size) and a car loaded down with luggage, etc, we stopped on the way home from Thanksgiving and bought two Christmas trees at Lowe's. This was the only time everyone was available and all wanted to participate in the choosing of the trees. We put them up and decorated them the next day and Bobby loves them as well as the other decorations around the house.